I am Val, a registered nurse, an independent contractor, and a writer. Most importantly, I am a mother to 3 adult children: to Jess – an adult with multiple disabilities including autism and cortical vision impairment, and to a son and a daughter.
In 2015, I began blogging as a way to tell Jessica’s story. It is a way that her voice can be heard, and that we can spread her joy. It wasn’t long before I realized that blogging is therapeutic for me and allows me to connect to many wonderful people. The many supportive and encouraging messages that I receive from our followers fuel my sense of purpose.
I hope to take some of the mystery out of what it will be like when special needs children grow into special needs adults. I want to let others know that this life can be good – fulfilling and rewarding.
My life has not been easy. I survived by taking it one day at a time, and sometimes one hour at a time. Throughout my life, I struggled through depression and had low self-esteem. I was a young mother – having all three of my children by the time I was 24-years-old.
While my children were young, life was hectic day in and day out. I quickly lost a connection with the norms of the outside world. I could no longer relate to friends, neighbors, and even family. You could almost say I was lost except that I’m not sure I was ever found to begin with.
My entire adult life had consisted of parenting. Not only that, but special needs parenting, and sickly kids parenting. I functioned as a parent and a spouse only rather than as an individual. I struggled to find, understand, or establish my own identity.
Fast forward many years and we had a house divided. I was empty inside, having given all and having nothing left. At that point in my life, survival depended on establishing self.
One thing that had bothered me for quite some time was that I had not obtained a college degree. I come from an educated family, and it was important to me to complete a degree. So, right after moving into my own house, I started in a full-time nursing degree program. Just under two years later I graduated with my Associate of Science in Nursing, and a few years later went back to complete my Bachelor of Science in Nursing.
I am very proud of that achievement. My nursing career played out in a hospital setting, mostly on a cardiac telemetry unit. Life there was stimulating, fast paced, stressful, rewarding, and often sad. I loved having a career – my first ever. Nursing was the right path for me.
At the same time, I was trying to get Jess squared away with care. I eventually left my cardiac unit and tried taking a new position at the hospital to have different hours. Then, I tried a clinic job closer to home. However, in our quest to get everything aligned, we continually experienced failure after failure. It was truly disheartening and not something I had ever considered would happen.
My only option became giving up my career to take care of Jess myself. What would people think? I was so worried about that question. Would people look down on me? Would they think I was lazy, or that I never tried, or that I just didn’t want to work?
Embarrassed and defeated. I wanted feedback from my wonderful family but I was even worried about what they would think. With dread, I separately talked to my parents, my brother, and sister. I can’t describe the validation I felt when they were 100% supportive and expressed total understanding.
Did I expect less? No. It was how sincerely heartfelt their support was that moved me so.
I started blogging not long after that. Looking back, I can see that my early posts were all about making sure everyone that took the time to read it would know how hard I tried – that I hadn’t just given up. But through those blog posts, I was the one that learned. As I did my research and read my own writing, I was reminded of the depth of my perseverance, my effort, and my strength. It was only then that I accepted that I did absolutely everything I could, that my life has been more difficult than most, and that it is not my fault.
Something wonderful happened in the process. I forgave myself and allowed myself to see the individual that I am, to recognize my good qualities, and to acknowledge my own talents. I found within myself an individuality that I had never known. There are things I enjoy, and I realized that it’s okay to take time to enjoy them and that I do not have to take every single moment of my life try to fix things for Jessica.
Above all else, please hear me when I say that we have a blessed life.
Hi Val! My boyfriend’s daughter is a fabulous 20 year old with autism. Your videos ang writing are so helpful to me — like my yoga practice but in a different mileu. (sp?) Just wanted to say hey! Listening, reading and learning — thanks!
❤️
I have been watching your family now for a little while and enjoy your videos. I applaude each of your family members for being so involved and helping Jess to have a full life. I feel like I know everyone by name however baddaddy is always referred to as baddaddy I don’t think I have ever heard his name. To me just knowing it is important we know everyone else’s even Marlows grandmother. Could we please know baddaddys name?
I have just recently started watching your videos. They brighten my day. I love Jess personality and you are wonderful with her. Your family seems so happy and content. All best wishes to you and your family and I will definitely keep watching.
So glad to have found you all! My daughter is 8 and is dx with a brain abnormality and autism. While she does have her eyesight and fully mobile she is quite delayed in speech and language. She uses AAC and we have tried both public school with an IEP and private special needs schools. I’m on my third year of homeschooling and we have Speech and OT Therapists that come to our home. I’ve often thought about if this will be my role forevermore. Watching you all makes me know it’s all going to be ok.
I’m so glad you found us and that it helps. ❤️
I love watching your family! It puts a smile on my face when I am feeling down.
Thank you for putting your inner self out there . I have struggled with depression and very low self esteem all my life. I found purpose in being the best student and employee. I worked really hard and have two masters degrees and worked in investment banking and was very proud that I was able to accomplish that while all the time having debilitating anxiety and depression. However, I lost that because work stress and anxiety was taking a big toll on my mental health and affecting all my family relationships.
I do worry that other people must think I am lazy and not worth much. I am still struggling to find my self worth. I am not able to have kids. We adopted a good pooch and he helps me everyday. I do still feel empty inside. I have been in therapy for a number of years which has definitely helped but there is still something missing.
I hope I can love myself by the end of my journey.
Thank you for being such an inspiration
Rachita, Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I see a lot of similarities. Strive to believe that you’ll find the missing piece. ❤️
I truly envy you and give you so much credit for how hands on you are and continue to be! I found your Instagram and it refreshes my soul as I have 7year old autistic son! You are doing an amazing job and I look up to you so much!!
Emily, thank you so much! Positive feedback keeps me energized. I appreciate you!?
I have the absolute upmost respect for you as a mother by creating this blog for Jess to have her voice heard as well as allowing the world to build an understanding of how everyday life with her is. I think it is beautiful to see how everyone in her life is so supportive and has such a great bond. I’m currently enrolled in school for my Bachelors of Arts in Early Childhood Development with Differentiated Instruction. I’m hoping to become a paraprofessional or maybe even a care provider someday. After I finish my degree, I want to go back to enhance my skills in sign language and learn to read Braille also. Keep up the great work mama! You’re definitely a good one! 🙂
Thank you, Caitlyn!
Really enjoying your blog & instagram ?
Our 16 year old son Michael has Autism & our 14 year old daughter has Cystic Fibrosis. I don’t know how I came across your account but I am so glad I did. Jess brings a smile to my face. Crazy about you and your beautiful family xoxo
Thea Lawless
Stpetemomof2
Thank you so much for your message! ❤️
Val, I think you’re a strong and amazing woman. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for you through the years, but you’re a wonderful mother and I throughly enjoy watching your videos and posts about your life and Jess’ journey. Through our hardships we find who we are and what we go through gives us our strength. God bless your family! ❤️
Thank you! ?
I admire you and all that you have done to help Jessica. You are a wonderful mother.
Nancy Peters
Thank you Nancy!