Confessions of a Special Needs Supermom
Seventeen and naive, |
I wouldn’t have believed, |
A decision – whatever |
Would affect me forever. |
My 17-year-old brain |
Knew nothing of fatigue, |
Autism, blindness, |
Nor special needs. |
Eighteen-years-old |
Already a mama. |
I wouldn’t have thought |
There would be such drama. |
My 18-year-old brain, |
It didn’t know, |
A tiny baby girl |
Would lead the way to go. |
At the hospital, |
In a small room we waited, |
While my tiny baby girl |
Was heavily sedated. |
Surgery was needed |
On my baby girl’s brain. |
I really didn’t know |
Life would never be the same. |
For the next few years |
In our home we learned much. |
Early Intervention goals, |
Therapy and such. |
When I was twenty |
The day I married, |
This sweet little girl |
Down the aisle was carried. |
My 20-year-old brain, |
Oh, I didn’t know, |
How profound it would be, |
How deep it would go. |
I didn’t know |
Even way back then, |
We would be carrying this girl |
Until who knows when. |
Then at twenty-two, |
A baby boy blessing. |
Life still seemed simple, |
I was not stressing. |
Almost twenty-four, |
Another baby girl blessing. |
The days became busy, |
Each one kept us guessing. |
I did not know, |
The impact on siblings. |
Blindness and autism, |
Focus never-ending. |
How do you choose, |
Whose needs come first? |
Which at each moment |
Needs you the worst. |
One blind, one chronic illness, |
One not thriving. |
How did the days become |
Just about surviving. |
Years of each day, |
Living moment to moment, |
Failing to meet all needs. |
Only, I didn’t know it. |
All through each day, |
Looking forward to bed, |
I still didn’t know |
The lifetime stress to dread. |
At thirty-six-years-old |
The kids were all teens. |
Life was still a challenge, |
And I had no dreams. |
After devoting those years, |
To everyone else, |
I was empty, I broke, |
And had to find myself. |
At thirty-seven-years-old, |
A family divide. |
My own house and college, |
A new life I tried. |
But I still had to focus, |
On that first baby girl. |
The one whose sweet head |
Is still full of curls. |
Intense planning, |
Meetings and evaluations, |
Endless ideas were discussed. |
She needed vocation. |
The light at the end of the tunnel, |
Just one more transition. |
Aging out was inevitable, |
It was soon graduation. |
I didn’t see, |
It all wouldn’t matter. |
I would end up carrying this girl |
For ever after. |
I hadn’t known, |
What giving up meant. |
And now that I do |
My life feels spent. |
I didn’t know, |
‘Alone’ would be theme. |
How swallowed by this life |
Each day would seem. |
What I do know is |
Three blessings I was given, |
All gifts from God, |
My own pieces of heaven. |
And I haven’t forgotten, |
Endless smiles, joy, and laughter, |
Unconditional love, |
And Happiness ever after. |
Autistic interpretations |