Hey hey hey #GoodOnes,
Who else is ready for 2023? Pantone has already declared the color for 2023 as Viva Magenta. Powerful and empowering. Sign me up! “An animated red that revels in pure joy, encouraging experimentation and self-expression without restraint, an electrifying, and a boundless shade that is manifesting as a stand-out statement,” that’s how Pantone describes it. They had me at ‘joy’.
Joy. That is our aim, to share glimpses into our everyday lives, rich with family, poodles, and southern cooking. Our daily posts reflect the joys and struggles of life with a medically complex and adult family member.
I’ve shared previously how much this online community has helped Jessica grow and connect. “Telling the camera,” has helped Jessica with her communication and this year she has really understood vlogging as her calling. It has allowed her to shine; combining her interest in people and her natural charisma. We continue to be grateful for all of you.
We’ve been looking forward to sharing vlogmas with you again this year. Vlogmas is an annual challenge for YouTube creators to post every day in December leading up to Christmas. You’ll find our longer videos on YouTube while we continue to share also on Instagram and Facebook.
As we wrap 2022, here are some of my YouTube favorites from the past year:
- Things we thought Jess would never do, was one of the videos we shared in January.
- BadDaddy and Jess played a special card game, “Match”, in February.
- For March check out this Q&A where I answer when did Jess start talking
- We looked after various health matters in April, including an EEG for Jess.
- May 9 was moving day. It was a lot of work and a big adjustment for all of us, but a consolidation of households with BadDaddy was the right interim move for our family.
- Visiting with friends was on the agenda in June and we visited a nearby attraction, Rock City. The trail was challenging, but Jessica managed with the help of her cane.
- In July I made a video about why I started blogging
- Jessica made her video directing debut in August and this video was Jessica’s idea from concept to execution.
- More cooking was on the agenda with this homemade lasagna in September
- In October Jess wanted to make a video about her coloring books and show how she identifies and colors the pages.
- We hosted Thanksgiving this November. With this video we invited you to join us on a shopping trip as we stocked up on all the Thanksgiving goodies.
- December is bringing vlogmas and it’s too soon to pick a favorite, but Day 1 is a good place to start.
As the year comes to a close, we wish you all the best of the season and look forward to connecting with you in the comments and on our livestreams.
With gratitude, Val.
PS for those interested in a quick refresher on what we are all about, we hope you enjoy this short bideo.
Watch it, Read it! Fall 2022
October 31, 2022
Hey hey hey #GoodOnes,
Finally! A newsletter update. Halloween seems like the perfect day to restart our newsletter with a news-letter. If you missed it, our last was published in early July. Then, maybe it seemed, we fell off the map. There is a reason why, and it is called CYBER BULLYING. It happens all the time, to people of all ages and in all walks of life. It’s ugly, damaging, and disheartening. At some points over the summer, I actually questioned our physical safety.
Yes. It gave me pause. The more we have experienced bullying, the more I know the extent of the education that still needs to be done. I know that there is a world of people out there who don’t understand only because they have not had the opportunity to get to know someone like Jessica.
Unfortunately, there are those out there who prefer to find fault. An attitude that refuses to accept the potential of communities rallied around exploring and celebrating the differences among us. They want to promote the concept that if you can’t be ‘fixed’, you’re ‘wrong’ and if parents can’t ‘fix’ their children (including adult-children) then parents are failing. There exists a mindset that refuses to accept and acknowledge disability and its far-reaching impact in families.
But you know what? I’m not here to engage and fight with non-believers. So why am I here?
Jessica turned 35 this summer, which means 35 years of motherhood and 35 years of caregiving for me. We are coming up on 8 years of sharing on Instagram. As I reflect on the years, what I know for sure is that progress never stops. We live our lives. We learn. We grow. It has been an unexpected joy to share snippets of our lives with you.
My blogging started as a way to make some sense of our lives. What began as a side hobby has evolved into my full-time passion to help families gain insight and awareness of what everyday life experience can be like when sharing life with a dependent adult-child with special needs. Throughout the last 35 years we have faced frequent challenges and frustrations, but we have found even more joy, silliness, laughs, and good times.
What about Jess? What does she want? Does she want to share?
Yes. Absolutely, she does. How do we know? She tells us. But not just us, she also independently talks to her self-appointed team of stakeholders about it. Who is her team? Friends, family, and acquaintances, attorneys, members of law enforcement, a counselor, a social worker and support coordinator, a trust specialist, members of her healthcare team, etc.
Why does Jess want to share? She wants to be better understood. In her lifetime, she has had traumatic experiences with people who didn’t understand her. Some under-estimated her abilities, while at the same time others over-estimated her abilities. Most absolutely did not understand her communication challenges. Most have no idea the extent of her diagnoses and how they affect her life and abilities.
Another huge reason she likes sharing is that it has opened up her world. Never in her lifetime has she had so many connections and friends. Yes, real friends. People she and we have met, and some she talks to on the phone and hopes to meet some day.
And there are many people who she is connected to from our small group livestreams. She recognizes their names, and details of their lives that have been read to her during the streams, like how many dogs someone has, or who has been sick, or who is having or had a baby.
These connections to people have broadened her interest and understanding in the outside world. It has been wonderful. The sense of purpose Jess has discovered is beyond what anyone could have predicted.
We want to let you all know that we are still here and will continue our mission to share a joyful life. As always, your personal stories of encouragement, love, and support mean the world to us.
With gratitude, Val.
PS for those interested in a quick refresher on what we are all about, we hope you enjoy this short bideo.
In case you missed them, please see below for some of our favorites from the last several months:
Val, you and your family bring much joy to our lives, too. My daughter (who was born with Spina Bifida and hydrocephalus) and I so enjoy all your posts and videos. You are such a caring and loving family much like our own. And you have all added so much to Jessica’s life. We have only been following you for about 2 yrs and the progress Jess has made in that time is amazing. She is a wonderful person. Thanks for all you do for all of us and for making us feel like part of your family.
I absolutely just LOVE you guys & am soooooooo happy that I found your page several years ago. If I’m ever feeling down I just sit down & watch some of your videos & then I feel better again for awhile. Keep up your great work & keep making your awesome videos. Don’t know what I’d do without them. ❤️ Julie from Minnesota ❤️
I’m sorry that there are mean ppl who like to bully your family because their lives are miserable. It’s a joy watching Jessica grow with the support she gets from her family and friends. She’s so cute and innocent. Watching Val and others be so patient with her helps my family learn to be patient with my 7 yr old grandson. Peace to you all and thank you for sharing your lives with others.
I was wondering also. Like you, I understand not agreeing with all someone does, but I haven’t seen anything that would warrant anyone making your family feel threatened or unsafe. May God bless your family.
I cannot even imagine how people can bully your sweet, sweet family – even IF they don’t understand Jessica and the complexities of her diagnoses, all they have to do is watch one video of her to fall in love with her precious personality!
Alas, I do realize there are “keyboard warriors” out there though and that makes me sad, for them and their lives as they must be miserable and for you Val and your family especially being made to fear for your safety.
Jessica literally brightens my day….I am a chronic illness warrior and don’t (can’t) work outside the home and I look forward to my mornings getting a glimpse into your world. I appreciate so much that you do share your Jessica with the world!
I swear, I have said this before and I promise I am a sane person and not a stalker lol you and I could be BFFs (we have A LOT in common based on the things you have shared) and it would be such an honor to spend time with your precious Jess! Every time we head up your way I hope to run into y’all in public 🙂 (does that sound weird? I promise it’s not lololol)
Anyway, keep doing you and what’s best for your family as only YOU know what that is, and of course stay safe!
Big hugs,
Kimi
When I started to read I got depressed. But, as I continued to read I became joyful. I can’t imagine what your roller coaster of emotions are. Fight the bullies, never let them win. You are so admired and appreciated. Your videos and pictures, blog and newsletter have improved my life. Thank you! Fight like a girl❤️
Hi Val, I admire you, Jess and all the family members. I was wondering is it OK to send Jess a couple of items for Christmas? She so enjoys everything! I was thinking of sending large coloring books, play money and even Chocolate/brownie cake mix, or if you have better ideas of what Jess would like. Thanks Patti
It is sad that the world is filled with ignorant people, and sadly that will always be the situation. God gives us a choice but many don’t have the mental capacity to choose love care and understanding. Your family is loving and beautiful. Put the naysayers where they belong. With gratitude and thanks for all you share. Jessica is truly blessed to lead such a wonderful life
As a Mother of a 32 year old son with Autism I am thankful for your blog and videos. I feel like I have support and understanding from someone who knows what daily caregiving of dependent adult child means. I to have felt the hurt from others who think my husband and I are bad parents or our son is “bad”! To all of those individuals, walk in my shoes and then and only then can you comment. Keep up the awesome work.
Laura
Absolutely!!
Val,
As a retired special ed teacher and regular ed teacher, you are amazing! You are what I wanted all my parents to be. You have fought for Jessica all of her life and you are still providing everything she needs to grow and be successful! If these “bullies” have never been in your shoes, then they have no idea what is best for Jessica and your family! I love watching your videos and watching Jessica gaining more independence! Please keep up the good job you and yours are doing by educating others on disabilities!!! Hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday season😀
Thank you, Vicki!
This has me sitting here crying my heart out with tears! For all the beautiful things you have shared about your lives and to have some people be like that to you really upsets me. When I first saw your channel, I was excited to learn more about the world of autism. I had been following several other channels with other families with children and adults on the spectrum. Since Autism was never in my family, I wanted to see what I should be aware of so that if I was ever confronted in public with an autistic family, I could be more inderstanding to their lives. This world is so devided right now and what use to be taught in schools about bullying, seems to be encouraged now and I believe that is so against the teachings of Jesus. I am fortunate I was raised in a military family because my parents went out of their way to teach us about the different cultures we lived in so we could understand the diversity we would live in in this large world. I had a foster brother when I was in Junior HS. He was the son of some very good friends. He had cerebal paulsy and because he needed to be in a special school, my family decided to bring him into our home to help him. He was such a joy, I felt I needed to do more learning about the handicap and disabled. I volunteered several years as a candy striper in a convelecent (sp) hospital and met so many people that needed love and understanding. It was eye opening to how to show compassion. In these past few years, we have had, at my senior center, a group of adults we called the Share Group. They were mentally challenged adults. There were so many wonderful people. My Red Hat Group would throw a Christmas Party each Christmas for them. It was the highlight of there day to dit in Santas lap and sing christmas songs and we raised money all year to give each one a wonderful christmas of things they wanted. All of them lived in group homes. It made my heart feel so good to see their eye light up. Val, your family has given me so much since I lost my husband to show me a beautiful world inside the Autism aspects with Jess. She is smart, self sufficient in many things and loves her family! What more could she ever ask for (besides Hoyle Cards ☺️). I have fallen love with all of you and will hopefully be able to meet you all in the next year. Stay strong for all of us, you are wirthy and Loved!!!❤️❤️
Thank you, Pat! ❤️
I feel sorry for those that hate on or say mean things to you and Jess and the family. It just tells me their life must be full of trauma and self loathing to talk so hateful of those with disabilities.
I love your family’s story and all the videos. You give us just a glimpse of the good and the bad. The laughter and the tears. I have learned SO much and my empathy has broaden so much for those with autism and those caring for the individual. I appreciate your willingness to continue educating with continuing the videos and blog. Never let anyone dim your light Val. Keep your light shine bright!!!
You guys are the greatest, look forward to your daily posts.
So proud to call y’all friends! Y’all never cease to amaze me! Keep on shining y’alls’ light with this dark world! You’re appreciated so much more than the nonsense stuff🤪. Love each of you!💛
❤️
Can you explain more as to why you had to gray for your safety? I mean are people mad at you for sharing Jess with all of us? Can’t imagine why! I mean I can understand if someone disagrees with something you do and comments but to take it farther than that is horrible!!
Well! I am rarely baffled bit this one got me. The world is full of really mean spirited people whose own lives are often a shamble. My perspective is always this – what has happened in their world where this type of bullying is a go-to action toward strangers? It is a strategy I use to survive sometimes. Although this doesn’t excuse the behaviour (every person should feel safe, regardless), it helps me to not want to shut myself out from the rest of the world who are mostly kind and compassionate. I feel sorry for the ones who are not open to learning about people and do not know how to show empathy. Unacceptable to be left to feel so vulnerable. I am so grateful you decided to pop on and keep on keeping on. Here’s hoping your sharing spirit will be enriched now. Take care.
❤️
I have so many things to say. 10% of them are anger and disappointment fuelled but I know better then to stoop to the level of those that have made you feel so unsafe. The 90% that isn’t visceral rage is just all affection, gratitude, hope, awe and constant, constant love.
I’ve always said that I came for J but stayed for Val and this is still so, so true. You’re such an inspiring woman, not just in your care for Jessica, but within everything you do. How you conduct yourself, lead your life and your constant bravery in sharing yourself with the world.
I had to share this blog with K because this is the exact type of thing she can take to her classroom and use to educate her students in just so many things. Cyber Safety, Autism Awareness, just everything.
You’re a wonderful woman Val. Never doubt what you do.
Thank you so much, Brodie. We appreciate you! ♥️
I find you guys to be a inspiration .You guys do a excellent job with managing Jessica needs..She is blessed to have such a strong support team. I have a special needs grandbaby and I know how important it is to have that support team. Keep up what your doing it is such a inspiration to me.
Thank you! 💕
I am appalled that you’ve been made to feel like you were not safe. How could anyone think that is ok?! You have given so much of yourself to us, and I’m so sorry that you were treated that way. We love you. 💕
♥️ Thank you!
I really can’t grasp how people think it’s ok to threaten people they don’t even know?? It’s sick. Love you guys,
Bridget
❤️❤️❤️
Hello Val & Jess. What a wonderful family you have that steps in and helps with Jess. Love how Marlow and Jess get along. And her big sister and brother. Even though brother is not around much. But he died his share when he is with the family. I hate the fact that people come on here and bully Jess. They have no idea what your family goes through on a daily basis. Let them walk in your shoes from one hour then they might understand.
I want to thank you for sharing your beautiful daughter Jess with us. I love watching her videos. Thank you again for putting your family out there.
❤️
Val-
Unfortunately in this life there will be hateful people who are probably very unhappy people. It’s so sad but a reality.
Your FB and YouTube entries are what I look for, first thing each day. I so admire Jess and all your family for the love and togetherness you share. From you, Bad Daddy, Hannah…to Jess, Marlowe and the puppies.
Thank you for giving us the true picture of a day in your life.
Robyn
PS – How is Augustina?
Thank you! ❤️
Agustina is doing well!
Thank you for this update! So disheartening indeed to hear that there are people out there who can read and hear your wonderful stories and still have a mind to do you harm…it’s very sad.
As someone with loved ones on the spectrum, I so appreciate you sharing your life and family with me and the world. I can tell from the responses from the TRUE good ones that you are blessing people, opening up dialogues that may not have otherwise happened and making friends along the way, including me…and although I can’t often watch the live streams (sad face), I am with you in love and in spirit. You are helping to create a better world for my family and so many others, I know it.
Thank you for all that you are to us!
❤️
Val and family, I love watching Jess and her family you are doing an amazing job with jess! I to have a autistic son who is 23,he is the most amazing young man we never thought he would ever be able to participate in so many things in his lifetime!! He has met goals I never thought possible, as you know it takes many people to make this happen. I am amazed at jess’s many success stories and hope she keeps going forward!! I think you have so much inspiration and information to share I for one am so excited to see what’s next keep sharing and know you and your hard work is making jess successful in life she truly is an amazing young lady!!
❤️
Val,
I have never written to you in the past. I am now responding to your news letter. I’m so sorry you have been experiencing this bullying. Please don’t stop sending joyous Facebook and YouTube posts. I can’t wait to view them. I love being part of your world and fine Jess so lovely. She makes me laugh and smile in every video. I can just imagine how hurtful some people maybe. If you need help with moderating,just let me know. I hope you know how much I love Jess and your family.
Sincerely,
Karen
Thank you, Karen. We really appreciate you. ❤️