In February 2015, I set myself a goal to blog through the events and years of Jessica’s public education. Researching, reviewing, remembering, rehashing… some good, some bad… overall it has been fairly difficult.
The closer I get to the end, the harder it becomes to dig it up. But, I am going to finish because I am determined. Mostly, I am doing it for myself, although I hope along the way it helps somebody somewhere.
In the same time period as in the post Friend For A Season, I started back to college to continue my own education. In January 2006, I re-enrolled, again, to finally finish up my general ed classes. (In all, I was enrolled in college classes in 1988, 1992, 2006-2009, and 2012-2013.) I clearly remember the moment in December 2006 when I declared out loud that I had decided to become a Registered Nurse. It was actually a reaffirmation of a decision previously made in 1992. Definitely my calling.
So, as Jess was wrapping up her last 3 years, I was too. My attention was divided between her education, as well as Madison’s (his was no cakewalk), Hannah’s and mine. I was determined to finish my education by the time Jessica and Madison graduated from high school on the same year. I had it all planned out. They would graduate, Madison would be heading off to college, Jessica would be job ready, and I could start my nursing career. Plain and simple. That’s what it was going to be. I never considered an alternative to that plan. I could do it, Madison could do it, and Jess could do it.
So that’s why wrapping up telling this part of Jessica’s education is difficult to finish. Back then, many of my brain cells were being used in my own schooling. My record keeping for Jess was not as tight, plus…anxiety…stress…not just Jessica’s, but my own. My very own panic started setting it. We were Running Out of Time with Jessica. There was still so much left to accomplish before aging out. What if…
Even now, it is difficult to write it down now…to type out the word.
What if we failed? Oh, but maybe that is what denial, I mean, never-ending belief, is for. We were not going to fail. It was all going to work out.
You did NOT fail.
You cannot change nor could you foresee the organic changes that contributed so much to Jessica’s increasing and limiting level of obsessiveness (that banned word again!).
Her pediatrician thought early on that Jessica was probably in the genius category. Naturally, you had such high expectations, but you didn’t have a crystal ball. You couldn’t have possibly predicted the challenges that the combination of visual impairment and autism would bring and how they would impact your goals.
Going back through this has been difficult, but thank you for your commitment to seeing it through.
Yes, nursing is your calling! Hopefully, there is still a path ahead for you to pursue that. I admire you and love you.
Thanks for your comments, I really appreciate them. A failure to meet a goal is not always a total failure, but sometimes a redirection. There can always unanticipated hiccups along the way that change the direction of everything. I love you too! 🙂
Another good article. I really think you should put this in a form of a book proposal and shop it around. There are probably a lot of parents who would benefit from reading your experiences.
Thanks for the encouragement Ken.