In February 2015, I set myself a goal to blog through the events and years of Jessica’s public education. Researching, reviewing, remembering, rehashing… some good, some bad… overall it has been fairly difficult.
The closer I get to the end, the harder it becomes to dig it up. But, I am going to finish because I am determined. Mostly, I am doing it for myself, although I hope along the way it helps somebody somewhere.
In the same time period as in the post Friend For A Season, I started back to college to continue my own education. In January 2006, I re-enrolled, again, to finally finish up my general ed classes. (In all, I was enrolled in college classes in 1988, 1992, 2006-2009, and 2012-2013.) I clearly remember the moment in December 2006 when I declared out loud that I had decided to become a Registered Nurse. It was actually a reaffirmation of a decision previously made in 1992. Definitely my calling.
So, as Jess was wrapping up her last 3 years, I was too. My attention was divided between her education, as well as Madison’s (his was no cakewalk), Hannah’s and mine. I was determined to finish my education by the time Jessica and Madison graduated from high school on the same year. I had it all planned out. They would graduate, Madison would be heading off to college, Jessica would be job ready, and I could start my nursing career. Plain and simple. That’s what it was going to be. I never considered an alternative to that plan. I could do it, Madison could do it, and Jess could do it.
So that’s why wrapping up telling this part of Jessica’s education is difficult to finish. Back then, many of my brain cells were being used in my own schooling. My record keeping for Jess was not as tight, plus…anxiety…stress…not just Jessica’s, but my own. My very own panic started setting it. We were Running Out of Time with Jessica. There was still so much left to accomplish before aging out. What if…
Even now, it is difficult to write it down now…to type out the word.
What if we failed? Oh, but maybe that is what denial, I mean, never-ending belief, is for. We were not going to fail. It was all going to work out.